The digested read...The European constitution, in the style of the original

The Guardian...Tuesday May 31, 2005
John Crace

All Citizens shall have inalienable rights, Freedoms and principles to use capital Letters in an arbitrary manner, except where an individual Member State might find them awkward. In such cases, the Member State shall have the Competence to challenge the Competence of the Constitution in the European Court.

Citizens of the Union shall have the right to Move and Reside freely within the territory of the Member States, but only in so far as the Constitution is accorded such Competences; in cases where the principle of Subsidiarity shall apply, the institutions of the Union shall apply the principle of Subsidiarity as laid down in the Protocol on the application of the principles of Subsidiarity and Proportionality.

The Union shall have Competence to define and implement a common foreign and Security policy, including the progressive framing of a Common defence policy, except when such a Policy is too contentious for such a common Defence policy to be framed.
The Union shall share Competence with the Member States where the Constitution confers on it a Competence which does not relate to the areas referred to in Article 1-13. Measures based on this Article shall not entail harmonisation of Member States' laws or regulations in cases where the Constitution excludes such Harmonisation. Duh.

The Union shall have exclusive Competence in matters of monetary policy for the Member States whose Currency is the euro; those Member States that insist on keeping their own currency shall be regarded as Off-message Member States and shall be treated accordingly.

The principle of voting by qualified majority, hereby defined as at least 55% of the members of the Council, comprising at least 15 of them and Representing Member States comprising at least 65% of the population of the Union, will be generally applied as the EU shall not be compromised by minority voices. However, the overarching Principle of Inaction shall be maintained by allowing any Member State a veto on foreign policy, defence and taxation. In any vote over what constitutes an area of veto in which a country has been outvoted, the Member State can take its case to the European Council, though it can still be outvoted there.

The Union shall have an institutional Framework which shall aim to promote its values, advance its Objectives and serve its interests and, where possible, those of its Citizens. This institutional framework comprises: the European Parliament, the European Council, the Council of Ministers, the European Commission, the Court of Justice of the European Union and the Council for the Processing of Expenses.

The President of the Commission shall lay down guidelines within which the Commission is to work and decide on the Internal organisation of the Commission. The Commission shall be an inclusive body and the President shall have Competence to appoint homophobes and White-collar criminals. There will be 25 Commissioners from November, one for each Member State, though this figure shall be reduced to 18 in five years' Time when the EU is more confident about ignoring the interests and Competences of smaller Member States.

The Constitution and law adopted by the Union institutions in exercising Competence conferred upon it by the Constitution shall have Primacy over the law of the Member States, though Member States shall be free to ratify their own internment Procedures for Asylum Seekers.

The Institutions shall, by appropriate means, give citizens and representative associations the opportunity to make known and publicly exchange their views in all areas of Union action. In areas of dispute, the Tripartite Social Summit for Growth and Employment shall contribute to social dialogue.

The Union does not endorse any particular Deity. This does not mean that such a Deity does or does not exist, only that if he or she does exist, then he or she has pan-European Competence.

A Member State which decides to withdraw from the EU shall notify the Council of its intention. The Union shall negotiate an Agreement with that State, setting out the arrangements for its withdrawal. If no satisfactory agreement can be reached, the Union shall have the Competence to declare war on that Member State.

You made that last bit up.

The digested read ... digested
Incontinent incompetence from the continent.